Recognizing your inner bully

We've all had those moments when our inner bully rears its ugly head, flooding our minds with critical thoughts about ourselves. In those vulnerable moments, it's easy to react by succumbing to its critiques or engaging in a relentless battle to suppress these hurtful thoughts. But what if there's a third way?

When our inner bully surfaces, we may be compelled into action in one of two opposite ways. One way may be to either totally acquiesce to and deeply identify with its critiques. However, this can lead to a spiral of self-doubt, low self-esteem, and a constant striving for an unattainable ideal, which takes a toll on our mental and emotional well-being. Another way might be to resist and suppress the thoughts, trying to beat it away. Engaging in such a battle with this inner bully might seem like a solution, but it often leads to mental exhaustion and inner conflict. You might even end up beating yourself up for having this inner bully when it is often not something within your control.

There is actually a third way to react when the inner bully pops up. Non-judgementally notice that these negative thoughts are appearing. Sometimes, you don’t choose to have those thoughts. After years of internalizing these judgmental messages from society, who couldn’t help but have these thoughts from time to time?

Accept that these hurtful thoughts, whether you want them or not, are coming up, and have some compassion for yourself for having to experience these. Even just recognizing and accepting that this inner bully has come up can give you some relief - instead of being caught in a vortex of shaming or a contentious internal battle, you can detach yourself a little bit and see it for what it is - just thoughts. They don't define your worth or determine your beauty. They're remnants of societal conditioning and unrealistic standards.

In moments when your inner bully emerges, remember that you have a choice in how you respond. Embrace self-compassion as the third way – one that allows you to recognize, accept, and ultimately detach from these negative thoughts. By practicing self-compassion, you can break free from the cycle of self-doubt and self-blame, gradually building a healthier and more loving relationship with yourself. In this path, you'll find the strength to overcome the inner critic and cultivate a more positive self-image.

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“Give space to your thoughts, clear the noise in your head, chit-chat with your inner critic, decide and move on.”

Cristina Imre